Anger. I seem to have an endless supply of it. Not angst, or distaste, but pure unadulterated fury for... everyone. Everything makes me angry these days. My friends. My family. My school work. My music. And sometimes, I just want to let those feelings flow; Let every drop of those poisonous emotions out with reckless and unyielding abandon. Where better to do this, but on my blog?
My Friends: When did we decide to throw all common courtesy out the window? I think it happened sometime last spring. Sometime around the end of March/ Beginning of April. Well, guess what? I'm not okay with it. I can't blame the few people who immediately scrambled away from this social group as fast as possible, because I often envy them. I treat all of you with equal amounts of respect. I try to treat all of you with equal love. I always always ALWAYS keep my word to the people I care about, even when it hurts me. And if somehow I hurt them, or do them wrong, I am genuinely sorry and I don't do it again. Why am I one of the only people who still does that? It's not okay, and it's not forgivable, and it's not because you're teenagers. It's because you're being a dick. That simple.
My Family: Dad. Seriously? No. It's not okay. No. I don't want to talk on the phone. No. I don't want to go out for dinner, or come over. I don't want to hear about how you love me, and you're proud of me. You are a flaky dishonest coward, and I want to smack your face. I know you too well to be able to watch this monotone hypnotized version of you without wanting to punch the people responsible right in their smug clean-shaven faces. However, the older I get the more I realize that you are the way you are because of one solitary thing: You. You have the same oppurtunities and obstacles as everyone else, and it is only because of your cowardice and laziness that you hate your life so much. It's your fault that you're so miserable, and honestly I don't feel like hanging out with miserable people. So, as pathetic as you are, I don't feel bad for you, and you piss me off.
My Grades & My Music: I know that I should be doing more. I know that I should be better. My grades should be higher, my voice should be sweeter, the sound should be tighter, I should be practicing more, I should be studying more... The list never ends. No matter what I do, I feel constantly like an inferior version of who I am/should be. It's enfuriating. I find that by the time I get done with crew, I've left every ounce of my soul out on that water, and at school and I'm done. I just want to get through the day. Get it over with.
That's my motto for everything now. That's the motto for my life: Get it over with.
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